Long Draft #2 Revisions

Oy. I think that about sums up how I am going to edit this piece. Oy.

I feel the need to put in writing that my full intention of this story was to do just that: put it in writing. This is a story I tell over and over with my friends. It is a story that sticks with me. It left an impression on me. It taught me a lesson (a silly lesson, but a lesson nonetheless). I wanted an avenue to be able to tell this story. When we did the brainstorming activities, this story popped in my head a few times. I tried to forget about it. No Christina that's stupid, think of something else... no one will find it amusing, shut up. As you can see, this story would not be silenced.

That being said, there are quite a few things I need to consider for this piece. One of them is the characters. I go into depth with some of them, and don't describe other too well. For example, on of my friends (who I was the closest to) I provided with the most detail. Now that I look back on it, since I was the observer, I should have really put more description into the women I saw (instead of labeling them). The thing is, I do remember more information, but it wasn't until after my conference that I thought maybe more detail would make things a little easier for the reader's sake.

Another part I'd like to change is maybe to zero in on one specific audience. I had a few ideas of who I wanted my audience to be, and it seems like I tried to adjust to all of them. These audiences don't necessarily have many things in common. I think for the sake of this story I should adjust my theme around one audience so the reader won't be confused.

Lastly (and I imagine to be most important), I feel as though I should state that this was just my experience traveling through Philadelphia. Not everyone who travels through this city will have the same experience I did In fact, I have been in the city countless times, and I have only had this experience once. I don't want my readers to feel unwelcome to this area. I just want to tell my story.

These seem to be the parts I think would benefit my story the most. Like I said, for me it was an accomplishment to be able to put it on paper...er- or blog. However, I really like to get my writing right. Perhaps this is a story to edit later in life, maybe when my point of view is a little different...