Driving Me Crazy

I notice that there is a stigma, a bias when it comes to friends. I myself have a difficult time turning people down. It is almost impossible for me to say no to a friend. I really only use the ability to say no if a friend is about to make an immoral decision. No matter how crazy they make me, I do whatever I can to help and I love doing it. I can remember one evening in specific where if I didn’t love my friends, I would have absolutely lost all of my marbles.

I check my watch. 11:30 on the dot. “This party is awful. Are you having any fun?” My future roommate Pauline is a country girl. Needless to say, Philadelphia house parties are not her forté. It really is a shame, because I was so proud of her outfit choice (with a little guidance from me): a charcoal gray short sleeve shirt that fell just above the hips with a long beaded necklace and jeans. “Simple, yet chic,” I explained as we got ready at my place. She finally left the cowboy boots at home…

I started my 1997 Nissan Altima and off we went. “Don’t forget, we have to pick up Jess. She’s at the apartment.” Jess is Pauline’s cousin and roommate. She is also a country bumpkin, though I love her still the same. I pull up to the apartment and tap on my horn twice. Jess runs out and thanks me for picking her up. I say anything for friends. On the way over, they offer to pay for the gas. “Don’t worry about it,” I say. “You got the next time.”

When we arrive on their street, I quickly take the first parking spot available. We walk in and the house is humid with body heat; clearly there are entirely too many people in here. I remember thinking to myself, this is disgusting. I look over at my bumpkins and they are not enjoying the crowd either. Still, it is nice to be invited; we decide to suck it up.

We make our way through the crowd, and find our friend Olivia (we usually call her Liv). Liv is one of the girls who lives in this house and responsible for the party. We all say hello, “Thanks for inviting us, Liv!” I find myself shouting over some kind of awful music. “No problem, thanks for coming! I love hanging out with you guys!”

It is not 30 minutes later, and I find the four of us in the same spot, talking about the same topics. I take a look around and everyone else is having the time of their life. I couldn’t put my finger on it but something just didn’t seem….fun. Pauline turns to me and says, “Is it me, or is this party terrible?” I laugh and tell her I think the same thing.

I am the closest to Liv personally, so I decide to say something to her. “Hey, party sucks.” I can see the slight shock of horror on both Jess’s and Pauline’s faces. They are never the best at masking their emotions. I laugh internally as I watch both of their jaws drop the lowest I’ve ever seen. That’s a new record, personal best! I think to myself. “Steen (Stina is my nickname, but for some reason people feel the need to shorten it further.), I’m thinking the same thing! I’m sorry you ladies aren’t having fun!” I look at the and then look back at Liv, “Screw it. We haven’t had anything to drink. Wanna take a trip into Center City?” They now have switched their emotional billboards from horror to excitement. “What? Like, right now?” she responds confused. “Well yeah, screw this if we’re not gonna have fun. Your roommates seem to be having fun. Just tell them we’re going out and that you’ll help them clean up or something tomorrow morning before class.” I am proud of this response. For some odd reason I feel tonight it is my duty to be the keeper of fun. “Alright, they were cool with it, let’s go!” Liv responds as she grabs a light jacket.

We walk over to the car and I remember thinking wow, what a beautiful night to go walk around the city! As we get in the car Pauline has this bright idea, “Let’s try to find our own way to Center City. No GPS this time.” As she tucks the GPS in my glove compartment, I can’t help but think to myself that this is a terrible idea. I am a directionally challenged individual. Needless to say I don’t lick my finger, point it to the sky, and decide that north is the proper direction.

Liv and Jess are quiet in the back. Pauline can tell that they are a little uneasy about the idea too. “It’ll be fun. Besides, someone told me that if you take Frankford all the way down it will put you in center city.” This sounded easy so I figured, what the hell? We begin what I now refer to as the ride to hell.

For those of you who are familiar with the Philadelphia area, we begin our journey in Northeast Philadelphia, a more suburban area. As we traveled farther and farther down Frankford, we realize we aren’t in Kansas anymore. The roads grow narrower. There are many abandoned buildings, but the streets are full of people. I begin to frighten, and then notice I am the driver. Holy crap! I can’t panic. If I panic, everyone panics. I have to stay calm for their sake. So I try to make light of the situation. “Well this doesn’t look much like the Center City I know. Pauline, how much further until we at least reach South Street?” Silence. “Pauline?” Still no answer. I don’t want to take my eyes off the road for safety reasons. I hear snickering and I remember that Pauline is a nervous laughter. Something tells me this is only going to get worse. “I didn’t really plan that far ahead, but I know there is a light at the end of the tunnel!” She sounds pleased with her response, while the rest of us seemed more pleased with the silence before it. I mumble under my breath, only loud enough for me to hear, “You’re lucky I like you…”

Naturally, we hit just about every red light on the road. All of a sudden, I realize my windows are halfway down in the back. “Liv, Jess, what are you doing?! Put those things up!” “It’s hot,” Liv replies. “Don’t waste your gas with the AC. Here Steen, I’ll roll them almost all the way.” “Yeah, just to get a breeze back here,” Jess chimes in.

The next red light I stop the car and we watch prostitutes on one of the side streets waltzing around. “What?!” I hear from behind me. “That definitely just happened!” Liv is beside herself. She comprehends what we just witnessed, “I mean I’ve seen ‘em on TV before, but like never in front of my face like that.” “Thanks Captain Obvious, now keep your voice down before they hear you!” Stay calm, Steen. You can do this. Green Light. Thank God.

The second red light is worse than the first. This time we mistake women for prostitutes. “Oh look, Liv.” Jess nudges her elbow. “I think I’ve found some more.” “What is right with the world? They definitely look like hookers!” Liv decides to make her claim a little louder this time (probably without realization). Loud enough for the women/prostitutes/hookers to hear. The windows are still open. I’m still stuck at a red light. They hear Liv, and start walking walking closer towards us from the other side of the street. I sigh, “Alright, I’m running this light. Pauline, am I clear?” “Yeah, you’re fine.” Escaped just in time. I don’t know if anything could’ve happened but I’m not about to take that chance for my friends (and myself too).

I hit one more red light. I escape the last one. I don’t want to take any chances if there are cops around… as if the cops in this area don’t have bigger problems than four small girls running red lights. I digress. As we impatiently wait for the light to change from ruby red to emerald green, we notice the street signs in the intersection. Liv’s response is always my favorite, “G Street. Like, that’s it? G Street. Wow, we’re fucked.” A little comic relief breaks the tension, but not for long. An older man clearly under the influence walks up and passes our car. Just as he walks by, we sees that we are collectively staring at him. He began to come over to my poor 1997 Nissan Altima that, damn it, can’t handle this kind of hysteria. Thankfully the doors are locked. Then, I begin what I think, if recorded, may have been the world record for the largest span of running red lights in a row.

Alas, the light at the end of the tunnel: South Street. My friends and I are safe. We finish our journey into Center City around 2 am. I park the car on a sidestreet, and we walk to Dunkin Donuts. “Guys, if I have to drive back I’m definitely going to need coffee.” They agreed to stop in and grab some too.

We walked around the city and I said, “Get in the car, I have an idea.” I knew the backways of the Philadelphia Art Museum. I drove around the back of the building, and parked the car at the top of the art museum steps. We sat on the steps and enjoyed the view. Pauline sipped her hot chocolate and said, “Worth it?” “Worth it,” Liv replied. Jess and I nodded in agreement. I smiled and joking said, “You know, I know this was my idea, but, you’re all really lucky I’m the type of person who would do anything for you jerks.” They laughed and agreed that it was my idea. I wish they agreed about the jerks part too. “And another thing, we’re using the GPS on the way home!” We all burst into laughter. I think to myself, sure, I drive them around and they drive me crazy!